Chapter 3: The Theater of My Doppelgängers

Golconda, Rene Magritte

Loneliness…

The recognition of that state of loneliness, the feeling, provides a discomfort; a discomfort that, in turn, provides you insight into a state of consciousness which holds a perceived centrality of suffering. I can feel myself attempting to make meaning of this state, in the attempt of creating comfort within it makes me wonder about what this creates in my future actions, desires, and decisions. 

I’m forced to stop from doing my task, laundry. This really created a sort of ironic symbolism—stopping the act of the mundane to simply daydream. I leaned into the feeling…

Rene Magritte

Rene Magritte

Vision…

I was in a black tuxedo in front of a building with beautiful architecture. I found the sharp, well-orchestrated angles of the building appealing, in this instance. The entrance was gleaming with the shine of the marble entrance—an entrance that could only be imagined in your dreams. I began walking towards the entrance. I see my anima standing tall and elegant. She holds out her arm, I hold onto it, as the door opened and we walked through the entrance. 

Once inside, all that can be heard is a crowd of voices deep within the luxurious building. My mind fixated on the building…I could not escape the feeling of being out of place, as though my sanity was being reconstructed by the anima. 

And then a thought overtook my mind, “The deafening sound of humanity is coming for me.” I could not shake it. It consumed me. My heart was racing. I was perplexed, this place was perplexing. 

I held tighter onto my anima’s arm as she guided me down the dark hollow hallway. Every step we took reverberated for what felt like an eternity. The echoes clanked through the halls with an endless depth. As we walked down the depths of the hall, the voices became louder. They were chaotic voices, as they were simply voices with endless words within a jumbled construction.