Unqualified Advice #1: Raw Uncertain Paths and The Middle Way

Welcome to my first edition of “unqualified life advice.”

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"hi Brenden, my names Will. i’m 23 and feel like i’m at a crossroads in my life. either i pursue the highly socially and financially connected yet dependent and vulnerable life that is the expected path of recent college grads like myself, or seek out the left hand path outside of the logic of capital, which is more isolated and full of unknowns, but is more true to my beliefs about how to live life. the former might lead me to make great progress in a career, the latter is more likely to lead towards actual fulfillment in life. (think:living off the land and homesteading a shit...) I could argue that the expected path is likely to leave me with material wealth—good for disposal through altruistic actions, while the other has the potential to open paths towards deep interpersonal ties and more concrete community. one path feels like one of personal sacrifice, the other like „dropping out“ in the name of personal enlightenment. Maybe you’ve had this personal quarrel too? Is there a middle path in your experience? Which orientation towards living in the 21st century is a better use of our limited time alive? thanks for any unqualified advice you can offer!"

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I.

Will, I enjoyed reading your response, and let me hit you with some unfiltered and unqualified advice. Alright, let's cut through the existential haze. You're at the crossroads, torn between the soul-sucking security of a corporate cog's life and the exhilarating, unpredictable chaos outside the hamster wheel.

There's something raw and primal about the urge to chase what we perceive as natural and true. This yearning, this deep desire (I yearn to yearn), is always uncertain, making both life and our sense of self precarious. Where are these drives and desires even coming from?! Remember, this is unqualified advice—I'm still wrestling with it myself. I'm striving to find that elusive middle ground: not being a dissociative cog, yet maintaining some semblance of stability—both mentally and financially.

I'm a self-proclaimed writer with some mild success, but don't be fooled—I don't hold any answers. The more I read and write, the more I feel the need to read and write. I wouldn't say I've found "peace," but I do have an endless list of things that spark my curiosity, and I find some solace in that.

I'm still in my late twenties and have juggled many jobs. I'm like an explorer with a broken compass when it comes to choosing a career path: political non-profits, business 9-5s, sales, marketing—you name it, I've done it.

Every time I've played the obedient minion for our capitalist overlords, clocking in a 9-5, I've never been more depressed or dissociative. I'd come home, and the thoughts would creep in: "This is all pointless. I'm giving my life away for something I find no purpose in." I'd try to shut those thoughts up, do the things societal pressures demand, and at times I’ve appeared to be even good at it. Yet, mentally, the voices in my head wouldn't leave me alone. Cue the existential crisis, a good cry, and then distracting myself with reading, writing, or mindless TV until I could finally escape into sleep. Then, rinse and repeat.

Then the days became a blur, and I started distancing my idea of myself from who I actually was. I became a fractured variation of myself.

So, let me digress for a moment and try to tie this into my point—if I even have one. I'm kinda rambling here. Remember, this is unqualified advice!

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II.

I recently finished The New Pope and The Young Pope and Sir John Brannox's idea of The Middle Way in those series loosely echoes Pope Benedict XVI's Introduction to Christianity. It suggests that doubts are a natural component of faith. He wrote, "The believer is always threatened with an uncertainty that in moments of temptation can suddenly and unexpectedly cast a piercing light on the fragility of the whole that usually seems so self-evident to him." This holds true for any deeply held belief or path in life. Your uncertainty about which path to take is not a weakness but a natural part of your journey. It's the hallmark of someone genuinely grappling with the big questions, not blindly following a prescribed route.

Now, I'm not a Christian. Although I grew up one.¹ My point about religion is about the religiosity inherent in every decision we make. We all create ideals and attempt to follow them with a kind of religious fervor. Whether it's career success, personal fulfillment, or some other lofty goal, we strive toward these ideals, these structures, all while battling the ever-present doubt that underpins them.

I'm not saying I found the answer. Remember, this is a bad advice column. And let me preface this next experience by saying: I'm not some new-age hippie proclaiming, "I chugged some ayahuasca and was saved by the voice of God—I've escaped the Matrix." No, that's fucking ridiculous. You can never escape the very thing that you are. But... I did chug some ayahuasca, many times, and it shattered my narrative and sense of self, shocking me out of my loop. Some of you might be thinking:

"Brenden, you gave yourself a mental health crisis."

Yes, maybe. Probably even. The deed is done. So, now we interpret! The show goes on.

For a brief time, I thought maybe this new-age hippie shit was my calling. But there was always a voice in the back of my head telling me something was missing from this "drop out of society" crowd. The performative positivity from many in that space brought me to the brink of insanity. Something felt off, inauthentic, and lacked the rawness I craved. What was the purpose of these experiences? Is living in nature and with community the natural way? Maybe. But context matters. The essence of community is ever-evolving with the context in which it gets defined.

There are curious people in the everyday. There are experiences to be had in society. There are experiences to be had in the loops that our social structure curates.

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III.

I've known people who left their "societal" responsibilities—their kids—to chase the aya dragons in Central America. They use the substance to experience the performance of a more profound experience, then psychologically manipulate themselves through that delirious state into believing they are living a more "true" and "natural" life. They convince themselves they are being called to do this. Blah blah blah. They're doing the thing: living off the grid, the imagined image of being primal, and in a community. Yet, all I see is a fearful fraud of a human who needs to touch grass.

If we find ourselves feeling that maybe we have some insight, some understanding, some shared experience into this confusing human experience around life, society, and living, why must we hoard it away from those still stuck in the everyday grind?

Personal enlightenment is an illusory essence always just beyond the horizon. What do you think of when you hear someone proclaim, "I've reached personal enlightenment"? Probably some guru meditating for hours, claiming to live in the now and be at peace. Maybe there's some truth to this.

"You should meditate on it."

That line seems to be our generation's cure-all, though I'm beginning to wonder if it's our go-to method for repressing the uncertainty that yearns to break through from within ourselves.

It’s the symbolic escape that doesn’t express a curiosity, but instead it expresses the conformist cuckery we are trying to justify to ourselves.

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IV.

I've experienced "ego death" on various occasions, or what I would define as ego death. I find those experiences important to keep the ego in check (though I fail at this often). But was I personally enlightened? No, not really. I now see the idea of personal enlightenment as the pursuit of finding a middle way of life, but the middle way is ever-evolving.

Why?

Because I wouldn't describe those typical "spiritual" experiences that new agers tout as times when I felt most authentic, most raw, and most true. They felt like performances, as though I was playing a character of positivity, of oneness, of connection, in an attempt to understand their thoughts and experiences. I felt as though I had to cast aside a human rawness for the group's sake.² The times I've felt most in the moment, most raw, most true to life, were with friends, meeting new people, having odd convos in a dive bar in a new city, snorting lines of mysterious substances in a stranger's apartment,³ talking about life's uncertainties and the very questions you're raising.

Those moments felt less calculated, more subliminal, more raw, because they occurred in the societally pressured uncertain spaces, and they seem to sublimate my existing path more.

So, my point: maybe life happens at the extremes. Embrace the doubt, acknowledge the fragility, and stop trying to fit your journey into a neat little box. Forge a hybrid path that's yours, one that balances stability with authenticity. Synthesize those uncertain experiences into insights for your evolving path. Stay curious, stay brave, and don't be afraid to live a life that's true to you, even if it means rejecting society's expectations.

But remember: we are always going to be an expression of society's expectations, and you will inevitably become a creation of your middle way through those experiences and expressions.

Stay curious Will. And good luck.

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You can also submit your note for unqualified and bad advice…and know that it’s anonymous so go crazy.

1. I was loosely a Christian—I've always been an annoyingly opinionated shithead with questions, so organized religion has always pissed me off. I suppose I’m one of those annoying guys that has a problem with authority. It’s kinda cringe. But I cannot seem to shake the desire. You are right to judge me! I judge myself.

2. and I was kicked out of the cult for this...twice. Two different cults…all because I raised concerned about their methods of administering peoples “spiritual experiences.”

3. I do not recommend this—my favorite thinkers and writers have a terrible suicide rate, which is why this is an advice column prefaced with unqualified and bad. Many who read this will find my way of life problematic and destructive. They might be right. They might also be wrong. Yay!